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Since we were nine, having met playing Medal of Honor: Allied Assault one day and immediately bonding over the fact we shared the same name (I go by Tony since he preferred Anthony), I talked to him virtually every day for years. We grew up together even if it was from afar. He was the one constant I had in my life. Of all the chaos I’ve endured in life, from my parents’ divorce to how difficult it was to come out as gay in conservative Midwestern suburbia to coping with job bullshit, mental illness, and trying to find who I was, Heyliger was always there for me. This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about Heyliger nor will it be the last. Perhaps most important of those was my best friend Heyliger - or, better known by his people name, Anthony. I could meet people outside of the little town I grew up in back in Wisconsin. Gaming gave me friends when I struggled to make them in the real world. Actually, it’s gaming that’s given me so much more to live for - not necessarily in and of itself, but the perspective it’s given me, whether in the stories I’m told or applying some of the mechanics in my own life. You’ll get no lectures from me about how games just suck the life out of you. I’ve been playing games since I was old enough to sit up beside my dad as he played the original DOOM.

Now, I don’t mean to be a downer nor am I going to make you question how much time you spend playing video games. The one quarter you had for life’s arcade. Even if reincarnation was a thing, we wouldn’t know anyway. It’s a given that if someone beats you in a match online or when GAME OVER shines back at you in big red letters after you made a fatal error, you just restart or respawn.

Since so many of us use video games as a retreat from the real world, the cycle of life and death can be desensitizing. I can’t imagine how many two-minute lives I’ve lived throughout the years but I’m sure the number is staggering.